100 Days

I made it. Guys, I really did it. 

100 Days of no yarn buying. 

As I wrote before, the stash doesn't appear any smaller, but at least I know I can do it. And yes, I will keep going, except for one treat this weekend. You see, I've got a fiber arts festival that I'm going to, and I want to have the option to buy a skein. AFTER I take my lovely dye class. 

I'm excited for the class, not so sure about buying yarn though. It's an option, not a requirement. I'll see if I can make it 200 days? 

As a graduate student working two jobs, and doing side hustles like nobody's business, it sometimes is hard to keep this in mind. It helps to plan ahead, doing the little things like packing lunch the night before, planning my outfit, and even planning my breakfast in advance so the morning goes smoothly enough that I can sit and spend some time with my scriptures and kneeling in prayer before heading out the door.

Stash Explosion

I've been desperately attempting to move some of my stash out of my stash since the New Year. I have gone Cold Sheep (96 days and counting!). I have projects galore, in my head at least.

But somehow, my stash has exploded beyond the tupperware in it is supposed to be confined to. I could pretend I don't know what happened. I really could. But alas, I can't. There are two reasons:

Reason One: I have several friends who have attempted to knit or crochet, or currently are knitters and crocheters, who give me yarn. I've received more yarn in the past 3 months for free (or for cookies in one case) than I have ever before.

I admittedly sold some of it on Craigslist. It was quite the achievement for me. But it didn't do much for my stash. Perhaps I should try listing some more on there to see if I can move a couple more skeins out?

I uploaded the entire stash to my Ravelry page, listing the majority of it on the "Will Trade or Sell" page. I got one inquiry, but no go. Maybe Craigslist is the way to go on that? Or Ebay?

I've used up some for Project Linus blankets. One is already completed, one is in progress, and one is in my head screaming to get out. I might let it out, it should go pretty fast and use up quite a bit of yarn...  I also have the good intention to make some baby hats for the NICU  too.

But alas, those do nothing for the Second Reason my stash is not going away;

I'm not knitting fast enough.

There are not enough hours in the day currently for me to get the knitting in that I would like to get in. I'm in the throes of thesis writing and trying to get all the loose ends of grad school gathered up and woven in. Sadly, that leaves little to no time for crafting. (As I type this I should be writing my thesis or at least reading some more research papers for it.)

And don't get me started on my fabric stash.

Whole30 Week Two Reflection

If you haven't already read my day 10 rant, go ahead and read it. And the Day 11 one too.

I'd like to start out by saying, I think I might be over the hump. I did not want or 'crave' any fast food today. No desire for hush puppies. No near-to-tears over a chicken quesadilla tray at Cook-Out. Just a lingering thought that a Reese's would be nice, but not a "i'm going to kill my husband if I don't get a Girl Scout cookie NOW" urge.

As far as my psychological relationship with my food, well, I feel like it's gone down hill. Never in my life have I dreaded eating. Yes. I dread eating. I wake up in the morning and try to reason with myself about eating breakfast even if I'm not hungry. My understanding of Whole30 is that you shouldn't be hungry between meals, but if you are still in the early stages of the program, you HAVE to eat even if you AREN'T HUNGRY. Psh. If my body says it's not hungry, I'm not going to force food into it. Conversely, if my body says it is hungry, I'm going to feed it. End. Of. Story.

I seriously do not want to eat. Ever.

Whole30 also bans dairy and soy. They hail coconut milk and coconut butter as the center of the universe best dairy replacement ever. I'm pretty sure I'm allergic. I have developed a horrible, non-itchy rash that has spread quite rapidly. The only thing different about my routine (all of them) is that I have ingested some whole fat coconut milk. I first had it on Tuesday, when the rash appeared. I finished the can on Thursday and am not going to try any more for a couple of days to see if the rash goes away.

I've also googled it. Turns out for some people eating no gluten/carbs causes a rash similar to the one I have. It could be the influx of eggs. I eat eggs regularly, but on whole30 I  am eating about 1000x the amount of eggs I usually eat. Or avocado. But I'm pretty sure it's the coconut. Either way, if it's not eating gluten-y carbs or being allergic to coconut, I have a dr appointment next week to take care of it if it's still around.

This is also the time when I should be experiencing "boundless energy". I'm still waiting on that one. I think I might be close, but it would have been nice to have shown up by now since folks say it should have.

And I broke another "rule". On those days where I was on the edge of sanity, I pulled out the tape measure and measured my waist because I needed SOMETHING to keep me going a couple more days. Yes, you aren't supposed to measure your body or weigh yourself while on Whole30, but where I'm not seeing a whole lot of the other promised results (ahem, all of them) I decided I had to do something. After making the measurement, I couldn't find the paper that I had written down my starting ones on. While I remember my weight perfectly, I think I might remember the waist, but definitely not the others. I've lost 2 inches already, but seriously? I can't tell. Can not tell.

And Now: Day 11

After my little rant yesterday I went to the Whole30 online community. Actually, I just googled "Quitting Whole30".

Turns out that days 10 and 11 are the days when most people quit, or want to quit. So there we go, the first Whole30 timeline item that I actually fit into the norm with. I still really want to stop, but figure I will hang in here for a few more days in the hopes that the promised energy levels will appear.

The super difficult part of this yesterday was making my husband's lunches for his first two shifts of the week. I usually eat a piece of cheese or two while making them. And I couldn't. I sat for a moment looking at the cheese crumbs in my hand and had a moment of silence for them before putting them in the garbage instead of my mouth.

I stocked up on chicken, added to the fish I bought last week we should be okay for the rest of Whole30. But of course, I underestimate my husband's ability to pack away food almost every time we eat. From here on out I should only need to pick up some minor meat items, like the compliant hot dogs I found and use for breakfasts and the 'bacon' I found too. I haven't tried that yet, so if it's gross it won't appear in our fridge again.

Finally, I saw that a lot of people were talking about how their stomach hurt and they were having a lot of stomach issues. Yet NO ONE suggested making the meals smaller and having snacks. While this is working for me, it also makes me a little concerned that no one else has discovered this. Is the no snacking rule really that rigid?

A "Healthy Psychological Relationship with Food"

I'm on Day 10 of Whole30 and I've noticed some things about the effects so far of the program.

I no longer have the crazy gastric symptoms I was having last week. Which I am so grateful for. I still feel exhausted almost constantly. I plan on starting some mild exercise this week to see if that will help, along with being more strict on my getting to bed routine.

I do not feel sick after I eat anymore, for the most part. I never really ate a whole lot of proteins or veggies for breakfast, because they made me sick. I still feel a little residual of this each morning after eating, and think that part of the diet will go rather quickly back to my smoothie or a bread based food (cereal, waffles, muffins, etc). I've completely abandoned the "no smoothie rule". Why? Because I constantly feel hungry, but when I sit down to eat a legitimate meal, my body can't handle the amount of food Whole30 says I should be ingesting at each meal. I have to break it down a little or I will be right back where I was last week, sick with no 'real' reason to call in to work.

Now, here's the biggest beef I have with the program. They constantly refer to breaking your old unhealthy psychological food habits and creating a new "healthy psychological relationship" with food. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. In fact, I feel like the exact opposite is happening. I mean, is it 'psychologically healthy' to nearly burst into tears when my husband points out that I can't eat the croutons on my salad? NO! And it's not because I binge on croutons and they're causing psychological damage when I eat them (which only happens in restaurants btw).

I don't think it's 'psychologically healthy' for me to spend most of my day really, REALLY wishing I could have a single mini-blueberry muffin, or a roll, or a single freakin' tortilla. I've suddenly become OBSESSED with food! I spend a lot of time consciously avoiding looking at the reeses or daydream about pancakes, which I don't eat very often in the first place. Then get super frustrated and angry that I can't have just one. I should not start crying just because someone said my relationship with croutons and restaurant rolls is 'unhealthy'. Nor should I cry when I think about Sunday morning waffles and realize that I let someone else tell me that they aren't 'good' for me psychologically.

According to Whole30 if I have so much as a lick of a Reeses, my brain and body will react in the same way a drug crazed addict's will respond. I will suddenly uncontrollably eat all the sugar and 'junk' food in sight. Then drive to the store to buy and eat more!

This is ridiculous! Rice is not going to kill me! A tortilla won't send me into a spiral of binge eating, self loathing, and suddenly feeling horrifically sick and magically being fat.

While I am trying, really trying to keep this attitude in check, it's really difficult. And I honestly don't think I've had, or ever will have,  a "unhealthy psychological relationship" with food. I enjoy food, but once I'm full, I'm full and I stop. This diet still promises great things, but I feel that the emphasis on 'psychology' is a bit much for people like me.

(If you made it through the post, I thank you very much for allowing me to rant.)

Whole30 Week One Notes

I've been keeping a running journal of how it's going day by day. Hopefully this will help someone out there know a little more about what a Whole30 looks like. I found some other blog posts like this majorly helpful as I geared up to start mine! 

Day 1

Shopping today was interesting. I read labels like crazy hoping to find some sausage or other spicy type meat that was compliant. No go. No lunch meat either. So I stocked up on Tilapia (at the request of my husband), some chicken, and some beef ‘hot dogs’ that were compliant, in addition to my regular fresh veggie and fruit stock up.

I also started reading the labels on our spices at home, in the hopes of finding something that would help eggs taste better. I was surprised to find that some of our spice mixes are non-compliant. Did you know that some of them have “dehydrated corn syrup”? Who even came up with that? I have a feeling this first week is going to be a slow learning process before I can switch to a more auto-pilot mindset.

Now, to the nitty gritty, real deal, here’s how it’s going part of the post.

I have heard horror stories about the first couple of days being horrific. Withdrawal symptoms similar to hard drug withdrawal (shaking, sweating, nausea, etc.) Migraines! Pain! Death!

Ummmm….. I just feel kinda hungry, even though I am eating plenty. In fact, I feel like I’m eating more than I normally do because there’s no ‘filler’ food in my meals like the crust of pizza, or rice with the chicken.  The worst part for me so far is the almost unbearable compulsion to eat the cookies! Eat some Reese’s! Make Waffles and drench them in syrup!!!

Day 2

I was feeling kind of grumpy. Bad planning on my part made day 2 also a Fast Sunday. I had very little patience with the Primary kids, and had to talk myself down from it.  I got home and ate a banana, but when I went to cuddle with my husband (he works nights so I snuggle up to him even if he’s snoring, for a nap) I started crying. Not all out bawling, just uncontrollable silent tears. I asked him later if he knew I was crying and he said no. It was weird.

Day 3

I read on a blog that I’m not supposed to feel hungry while on Whole30. But I feel hungry. I am completely convinced that it’s my body thinking that it can’t be full without rice or pasta or cookies. I swear that’s what’s going on because normally my stomach can’t deal with 2 chicken breasts, 2 celery stalks, a cup of spinach, a whole banana, a handful of raw almonds, and some raspberries in ONE MEAL.

Days 4-5

The wonderful early morning energy and all day energy I felt on day 3 is gone. GONE! I feel like I used to, waking up is rough, just not I feel like I might have a hangover rough. And I even took a nap. I’m hoping this goes away again, and soon. This was one of the major reasons I’m doing  Whole30, my horrific energy levels.

Also, the gastro-intestinal symptoms that the book (and website) said would start between days 10 and 14 have already started. Forums online have people saying that they have these symptoms the ENTIRE DURATION of Whole30. I hope that isn’t the case with me.

Day 6

I’ve officially reached pre- Whole 30 energy levels. Waking up this morning was horrific.

Add to that, I can’t tell if I’m hungry or not. My stomach keeps growling, sometimes uncomfortably. But when I do the ‘test’ of asking myself if I would eat fish and broccoli, I answer ‘no’. Which supposedly means I’m not hungry. But maybe I am hungry, I just don’t want broccoli.

I feel like I’ve been doing well with using a variety of foods. I stocked up a bit again yesterday and made sure I bought things I haven’t been eating this week so I don’t get tired of them. I’ve been experimenting with different spices and even made compliant buffalo chicken! But man, I just want a pizza and some milk and cookies.

I guess it’s going to take a little longer for my body to get used to the whole ‘no snacking’ rule, because I think that might be the culprit. My body thinks it needs to eat every 2 hours (like an infant does) but I’m not eating that often anymore. I’ll give it a little longer before deciding if I should add an afternoon snack back into my schedule.

(Later in the day)

I feel sooooo sick, like I should be puking but I’m not. My body is not happy with me.  I officially decided to abandon the no snacking rule for now. I had a small lunch, and plan on a snack in a bit. Followed by a small dinner after knit night. I just don't think my size body can handle that much food at once without getting sick. This is something I noticed pre-Whole30, so I'm going to go back to smaller meals, with snacks. Maybe after I recover a little I'll try the 3 big meals again. 

Day 7:

I made it. We even went to a restaurant today. I almost lost it when John said he gets my croutons, but he was right and he’s been doing AWESOME at keeping me on track. I’m just really looking forward to being able to eat restaurant rolls, pancakes (I haven’t wanted those for a looooong time, and I suddenly can’t get them out of my mind), and allow myself a Reeses!

I had a friend ask me if I had tried “cauliflower rice” yet. No. And I won’t do cauliflower rice (as of now). Why? Because I feel like it isn’t Whole30 compliant. If we’re not supposed to make Paleo pancakes or Paleo cookies, I don’t think paleo rice should be made either. For me, it’s not in line with the spirit of Whole30, that you need to break a cycle of bad eating habits. And rice is a filling food that some people eat mindlessly, so why add pretend rice if it’s going to psychologically fill an unhealthy need instead of being a healthy choice?