A blog that I follow has been doing a 15 minute challenge
for the past few months, when it’s a blogger’s turn, they just write for 15
minutes only. This way they are putting out posts more frequently, but they are
also not getting into a tizzy because it’s so time consuming.
I’m going to attempt this method, in hopes that I will be able to keep people
updated a lot better, and share with you all the cool things I learn and feel
should be passed on.
So, here I am up in Wyoming. I had some interesting things
happen when I moved up here. Mainly that I discovered that multiple people, of
the masculine persuasion, had wanted to date me back in Tennessee, but never
did anything about it. Or said anything , until it was too late.
Now, this in itself is an interesting phenomenon, but I’m
going to talk about a recurring thing that has come up over and over again
during my infrequent dating experiences. It’s something that kind of bothers
me.
One of these gentlemen in Tennessee told me he never got
around to asking me on a date because I’m “intimidating” and “strong willed”.
Now I’ve been called both of those before, by guys who wanted to date me, but
just never did.
What does “intimidating” really mean though? It means:
threatening, bullying, terrifying, aggressive. That doesn’t sound too pleasant,
now does it. Why can’t a guy just say that a girl makes him a bit nervous
instead of calling her threatening and a bully? If I come off as those negative
attributes, then tell me I’m ‘threatening’. If you aren’t asking out a girl
because it’s intimidating, is it really you just being nervous? Why can’t you
say it that way?
As for “strong willed”, it means: determined, obstinate,
headstrong, uncompromising. I am the first person to admit that I can be
stubborn. But, what I think the guys here are trying to say, and I will quote
one of my best guy friends on this, is : “You’re confident. You know what you
want out of life, you have values and standards. And you’re not going to let a
guy change that about you.”
Why is this negatively labeled as ‘strong willed’? It sounds
like a pretty good thing to me to have standards and values, and know them and
yourself well enough to not let a guy come along and you abandon them because
he doesn’t get them.
Come on guys! Put on your big girl panties, and start to
look at women in a positive light. It will take some work to find the right
labels for that girl, but it’s going to go over way better when you call her
‘confident’ instead of ‘strong willed’ or ‘intimidating’.
Also, just so you all don’t think badly of this Tennessee
guy who called me those things, he first said that I was ‘nice’. I’m going to assume he’s referring to my
interactions with others, I’m a nice person. Which I'm taking as a compliment.
p.s. Several studies have been done along these lines where
a list of attributes are given to people. They are asked whether the attribute
is desirable or undesirable in a man. The same list of attributes are given and
the same question is asked about a woman. Interestingly, the words that are
labeled as desirable in a man are often listed as undesirable in a woman. But
if the word used is a synonym or has the same meaning, sometimes the
desirability shifts from just a man to a woman also. An example would be the
intimidating/ confident pairing. Intimidating is good in a man, but not in a
woman. Confident however shows positively in women as well as men.
Sorry I can’t give you a reference right now, I learned
about it in my undergrad Human Sexuality course though. (15 minutes are up!)
