Our Bedtime Routine

We have a baby. A baby baby, not a fake baby. (I know  a lady who calls a two year old a baby, and another one who thinks an 8 year old is still a baby. She really means it too.)

We follow the on-demand, attachment parenting style. When she cries for food, I feed her, even if she ate half an hour ago. If she needs to be held, I hold her. All day. And all night (it can be rough). Because that's what she needs.

But this does not stop us from having a bedtime routine. And a very strict, solid bed time. You see, even with the attachment, and on demand stuff we've got going on, I still think it's important to get your kiddos on a schedule. How we did this was watching for cues as to when Monkey is tired. Babies will usually get tired around the same time every day, and we set our schedule accordingly. She let us know when she needs bedtime, so we ran with it.

The Routine

Pajamas and Disposable Diaper

Read from Chapter Book (we are currently reading Goose Girl by Shannon Hale, a favorite of mine)

Nursing

Get in Sleep Sack 

Read, in the same order every night: 

Snuggle Puppy

The Going To Bed Book 

Night Night Forest Friends

Prayers

Lie in crib- sing You Are My Sunshine (sometimes)

Go to sleep (hopefully) 

No Bath? 

You will probably notice that bath is not part of the bedtime routine for us. Babies have very sensitive skin, and having a bath every night can do more harm than good, especially when they are newborns (less than 4 weeks old) if you or your spouse have sensitive skin as well. Since Monkey is not mobile, she doesn't roll around in dirt or get food all over her, we have no reason to bathe her every single night. So we don't. 

If it's a bath night, we do it before pajamas and diaper. Side note: we cloth diaper most of the time, so her getting a disposable and a change of clothes lets her know it's time to sleep. 

A Chapter Book at 4 months Old? 

Yes. While I was pregnant, I read chapter books out loud to the kiddos in my class at summer camp. I decided to keep it going with her after summer camp ended, and kept reading out loud to her, still in-utero, to finish up the book. I read scriptures out loud to her in the mornings too. 

The key to reading a chapter book out loud to your infant, is to follow their cues. Some times I get a paragraph out before she's done. Sometimes, I get two whole pages done. It's just a matter of what kind of mood Monkey is in. 

What is a Sleep Sack? 

It's... a sleeping bag for babies. Basically, it's a sack that zips up the front and has arms. This way baby can be warm, since you should not use blankets in a crib, and still have freedom to self soothe because they can move their arms and hands to get a binkie or suck their thumb. We only use ours for night time sleeping, not naps. This is just another way to cue our baby that it's night time and we expect her to sleep longer. 

The Same Three Books... Every Night? 

Again, yes. They are bedtime based books, so when she gets older she will understand what bedtime is, and why we read those books at bedtime. The same exact books, in the same exact order make the routine just that, Routine. She knows that when we pull out Snuggle Puppy it's almost time to get in the crib and sleep. 

If you think a few months old is too young to notice things like this, well, give it a try. I can tell you that on nights when Monkey is not very tired, the bedtime books come out and she freaks out because she does not want to go to bed!

Jaq Rant: Co-Sleeping

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Recently a new mother asked for some advice online. Her baby is struggling to sleep and she received an abundance of advice. One thing I noticed was a recurring theme of people encouraging her to "Co-sleep" because it works miracles for their child.

Here's the deal, this mother is a friend of mine. And guess what? They already co-sleep!

But they don't bedshare. The advice she was receiving was to bedshare. And people were shaming her for not bedsharing. (I'm sure it was unintentional, but that's how it came across to me.)

What's the difference? Well, co-sleeping is, by current definition, sleeping in the same room as your child. Your child can be in their crib on the other side of the room, they can be in a co-sleeper, or when they get older they can be on a mat on the floor next to your bed. Doesn't matter, if they are in the same room you are co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is actually recommended by the American Acadamy of Pediatrics.

Bedsharing is exactly what it sounds like, sharing a bed with your child. It is a subset of co-sleeping, but it's not the type of co-sleeping I am comfortable with all of the time. And most of the mothers I know seem to agree, including my friend who asked for advice online.

Now, I'm not going to tell everyone to stop doing it because if it works for you then it works for you. However, this is the type of co-sleeping that most people, especially pediatricians and other professionals,  think of and advise against because it is dangerous for babies. This is because there are pillows and sheets and blankets on the bed and those are what pose a suffocation risk. Also, sometimes a parent will not wake up when they roll over onto a child, or the parent may rearrange pillows or blankets in their sleep in a way that is dangerous to the child in the bed with them.

If you don't bedshare, then what can you do? Besides just having the crib in your room there are co-sleepers. These are cribs that are designed to have a side drop down, and then the crib attaches to your bed. We used an Arm's Reach Mini Arc Co-Sleeper Bedside Bassinet, Natural, and I think it's wonderful. Why? Because Monkey was right there. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I could just stick my hand out and know that she is ok and breathing. I didn't have to get up and walk into another room when she cries, only to find out she's still dead asleep (and, yes, my child will scream-cry in her sleep) and I could have stayed in bed. And I don't think it's spoiling her for her to know that I am right there, that she falls asleep while staring at me. I think it's beneficial for her to know that Mommy is right there for her, and if for some reason Mommy isn't there, Daddy is there too.

Hard to see, but on the right side of the co-sleeper is our bed. Its right against it, so there is no gap between the two.
Also, Look at how little Monkey was! 

The moral of this story is to say what you mean, and make sure you know the actual meaning of the word you are using. (Princess Bride, anyone?)

To sum up:
Co-sleeping means the child is in the same room as you.
Bed Sharing means the child is in the same bed as you.

KThanks.

End of Jaq Rant